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December 2003 - Couple's conflict could cost a bundle

Couple's conflict could cost a bundle

☳ by Adam Aspilla

Though a couple may have good and harmonious relationship, there are times that there would be disagreement; otherwise, a relationship is no longer healthy if one spouse always agrees with the other spouse or vice versa.


Without occasional differences of opinion would totally forego the importance of evaluating the pros and cons of an idea or a plan to validate its soundness.
While couple’s disagreement is desirable, it should not reach to the point that one spouse would call police to intervene in their dispute for this would cost them a bundle.


Once police is involved in domestic conflict, upon complain by one of the spouses (complainant), it is usual that the spouse who is accused would be charged for domestic violence and would be detained until a bail is posted.


Aside from the cost of posting bail, the accusedspouse also needs a lawyer that would cost at least $1,000.00. In addition, the accusedspouse has to pay extra cost for board and lodging for he/she is prohibited to live with the complainantspouse until the resolution of the case.


If the couple has children and they alternate to babysit while the other goes to work, the complainantspouse may not able to go to work because he/she has to take care for the children; unless he/she hires a babysitter, that would cost another $100 or more weekly depending on how many children need to be taken cared of.


The writer has assisted many couples who went financially broke resulting from the unhappy experience of circumstances above described. To avoid conflict that could destroy your home/family I suggest to follow what Henry Ford said, “Don’t find fault, find remedy.”


To look for remedy of your conflict between you and your spouse, you may apply the ten steps of resolving couple’s conflict recommended by Enrich Canada Inc.:


  • (1) set a time and place for discussion
  • (2) define the problem or issue of disagreement
  • (3) how do you each contribute to the problem?
  • (4) list past attempts to resolve the issue that were not successful
  • (5) brainstorm the list of possible solutions
  • (6) discuss and evaluate these possible solutions
  • (7) agree on one solution to try
  • (8) agree on how each individual will work toward this solution;
  • (9) set up another meeting to discuss your progress
  • (10) reward each other as you each contribute toward the solution.


Remember though, that you cannot overcome your discords if you would not control your temper.
Proverbs 14:17 says, “He who is quicktempered acts foolishly….” Resolving your own conflict would save you emotional energy and the unnecessary expenditures above enumerated instead of spending a bundle. 


Adam Aspilla is a Senior Financial Counselor of the Debt Clinic of Canada Inc. and the author of the book, You Can Negotiate All Your Debts. He also writes a biweekly column, “What Matters In Life” in “Taliba Newspaper. For free initial, professional and confidential consultation, please call 905-306-7572.